Deaths around me over the years inspired this piece – I mean, the sudden departure of my relatives, friends, and teachers... Before they died, they looked healthy, risk-less, and lively. Then death occurred without any signals. But the moments of how they made it through their final struggle stay in my mind: their body shakes with their fast heartbeat, skinniness from cancer, a sinking body that’s found. I stood by their deathbed, anxious about my own death and when. This short piece is about my death fantasy: before-death, after-death, and rebirth. 

Some inspirations: 

1. As soon as we are born, we are old enough to die. -- Martin Heidegger

2. Ego integrity -- Erik Erikson

3. sadgati (सद्गति, six realms wheel of life in Sanskrit) -- Buddhism

The horizontal flow of narrative in this work unfolds a 3-act journey of mine from death to rebirth. The starting point is like hiking. Upon death I have no choice but jump down. I die, and yet some senses remain with my body, but slowly disappear until my body becomes a new source of energy feeding flies, and then new life dawns on me.

Ego integrity. My whole life goes through my mind at the last moment; and I remember those happy moments only. Meanwhile, my brain no longer functions, my identity twists. My spirit is collected and brought to ṣaḍgati.

I become an egg.

Then I meet the sperm, we melt together and become a new life.

Oops, I will start this cycle again as a fly.

Image References:

1. https://pixabay.com/photos/wood-bridge-vermont-intervale-716610/ 

2. https://www.westend61.de/en/imageView/RBF004243/back-view-of-little-blond-boy-

walking-on-a-forest-track   

3. https://br.rsdelivers.com/product/rs-pro/c6200arcqsw/rs-pro-white-wall-clock-

300mm/6699252  

4. https://www.dkfindout.com/uk/earth/mountains/what-is-mountain/ 

5. https://www.pngwing.com/en/free-png-zraro/download 

6. https://www.pngegg.com/en/png-wnsce#google_vignette 

7. http://www.xingantv.com/mdst/yjpd/whly59/gnly/2274725/index.html 

8. https://www.dreamstime.com/stock-photo-housefly-development-stages-eggs-

larva-imago-isolated-white-background-image63441845